Weekly Rorschach

Every week you get my take on what I see in the bewildering, ever-changing ink blot that is our world.

Anybody ever hear of a fact check? It's this nifty little trick they taught me when I was taking journalism and history classes. What's the trick for? Mainly it keeps egg far away from your face and on your breakfast plate where it belongs. "It might even save your career," they told us.

Well it seems a lot of people who needed to hear that lecture were nursing a hangover and missed it. The rest of us came to our senses and got out of that rotten cannibalistic business. Meanwhile, these folks hear something from someone (anyone!) and it's automatically reported as true.

CNN, Fox News, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, you name it, all report on what the other is saying. They don't go to the actual source anymore and ask tough, critical questions. Fact checking?! Pssshht! That's so high school newspaper!

Sadly, these folks aren't just running the news sources of record, they're apparently also involved with social services and law enforcement. A call comes in from an alleged sixteen year old girl who allegedly has been raped and beaten by her husband of whom she is wife number seven. And we just buy it? We roll in with armored personnel carries based on a phone call? Turns out a nutty attention-grabbing woman named Rozita Swinton of Colorado may very well have struck again. That's right folks, she's done this sort of thing before.

So what happens when someone calls these people and asks if they have Prince Albert in a can? Do they alert the media about a potential ring of regal assassins? Or what about if someone runs out to check to see if their refrigerator really is “running.” Do they go about a block and say “Hey, wait a second!”

Are these people actual professionals? Journalists talk like they have the sanction of God, the Founding Fathers, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, anyone named Kennedy, and the institution of Motherhood, but I’m not sure the Keystone cops would own these bozos. It’s a reminder to me how easy it can be to forget the fundamental basics of what I do each day.

Come on, folks. You get paid enough. Dot your I’s. Cross your T’s. And grow up, for heaven’s sake.

Quote of the Week

“Somehow I can’t believe that there are many heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secret of making dreams come true. This special secret can be summarized in four Cs. They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy, and the greatest of these is Confidence. When you believe a thing, believe in it all the way. Have confidence in your ability to do it right. And work hard to do the best possible job.”

-Walt Disney

Burn Newspapers!

That’s right. I mean it. Burn them all. Use it to generate electricity, or power automobiles somehow. That’s fine. As long as all the newspapers get burned. I can hear your protests already. “But printer’s ink is the life-blood of democracy!” Give me a break. Now we’ve got this new fangled “interweb” thing that serves the same purpose, only it’s better because it’s in the hands of the people instead of elitist do-gooders. Out here in the electronic jungle there’s no one controlling the means of publishing who’s butt you have to kiss to use their bully pulpit. Out here, the best ideas, and those who are best at expressing them, rise to the top.

Best of all, nobody out here can dress themselves in the righteous robes of objectivity or public service. We’re no longer fooled by the journalist that uses the media he controls to publish the subjective, the foolish, and the incorrect; who then loudly and righteously defends his hypocrisy with unassailable “objectivity.”

Fox news for instance. I’ll admit Fox news has a right wing bias as soon as CNN admits it has a left-wing bias. Everyone’s been pretending for years and now. The career of Dan Rather (or rather its demise) should make it clear enough; this particular emperor has been naked from day one.

I’m here to make up for the time I spent learning how to write for these jerks. I used to have a subscription myself. I was one of those snooty readers who was completely confident that my ink-stained fingers made me smarter, more sophisticated, more “in touch” than anyone else. I couldn’t have been more wrong. If you’re like I was, I admonish you to stop and think. What are you really getting out of that paper? Can you not see that you’re a walking anachronism? Can you not see that rolled-up fish wrapper under your arm marks you as being gullible, self-centered, and completely OUT of touch?

So burn your newspaper.

And keep reading! I’ll be posting something edifying each day, so try to keep up. It will be worth your while.