Burn Newspapers!

That’s right. I mean it. Burn them all. Use it to generate electricity, or power automobiles somehow. That’s fine. As long as all the newspapers get burned. I can hear your protests already. “But printer’s ink is the life-blood of democracy!” Give me a break. Now we’ve got this new fangled “interweb” thing that serves the same purpose, only it’s better because it’s in the hands of the people instead of elitist do-gooders. Out here in the electronic jungle there’s no one controlling the means of publishing who’s butt you have to kiss to use their bully pulpit. Out here, the best ideas, and those who are best at expressing them, rise to the top.

Best of all, nobody out here can dress themselves in the righteous robes of objectivity or public service. We’re no longer fooled by the journalist that uses the media he controls to publish the subjective, the foolish, and the incorrect; who then loudly and righteously defends his hypocrisy with unassailable “objectivity.”

Fox news for instance. I’ll admit Fox news has a right wing bias as soon as CNN admits it has a left-wing bias. Everyone’s been pretending for years and now. The career of Dan Rather (or rather its demise) should make it clear enough; this particular emperor has been naked from day one.

I’m here to make up for the time I spent learning how to write for these jerks. I used to have a subscription myself. I was one of those snooty readers who was completely confident that my ink-stained fingers made me smarter, more sophisticated, more “in touch” than anyone else. I couldn’t have been more wrong. If you’re like I was, I admonish you to stop and think. What are you really getting out of that paper? Can you not see that you’re a walking anachronism? Can you not see that rolled-up fish wrapper under your arm marks you as being gullible, self-centered, and completely OUT of touch?

So burn your newspaper.

And keep reading! I’ll be posting something edifying each day, so try to keep up. It will be worth your while.